Monday, November 9, 2015

I Did Not Buy These Kleenex: The Magic of Mom-Purses

I found this Kleenex travel-pack in my purse Sunday.

Here's the thing about that, though.

It wasn't in my purse the day before, when Jason and I were out and about in town and I carried a purse for some ridiculous reason that really makes no sense when you consider that I was carrying a diaper bag, too.

I know because I searched for Kleenex at one point and found none.

Then, Sunday afternoon, when my friend Sherrie sneezed and asked if anyone had a Kleenex... there it was.




Here to help.

I have long maintained that motherhood conveys upon your chosen purse a variety of magic powers.

The mothers I knew, when I was young, seemed to always have Kleenex available when young noses required it. Or those little packs of handwipes to use after a messy lunch, or napkins, or packs of ketchup or breath mints or peppermint candy or fifty billion different pens or a dollar in quarters for a soda from the vending machine or a comb or hair ties or sometimes those Dr. Scholl's inserts for shoes that are somehow just your size or saltine crackers in little single-serve packages or literally whatever it is their child needs at exactly that moment.

I haven't been using a purse basically in over a year. Once Audra showed up, I decided I would just carry around her gigantic diaper bag. There's no point in bending my spine in two different directions under the weight of fifteen pounds of diapers, wipes, extra clothing, distracting toys to head off possible meltdowns, a bottle (and now sippycup) and at least one comforting stuffed animal in case meltdowns are not headed off and must be comforted.

Why would I add a purse to what already promises to be sixteen pounds of Audra-Might-Need-This-Later?

Now we're starting to get to where I can pack just a couple diapers, one extra outfit, and the diaper bag weighs less and less.

Plus, I had an actual ladies' brunch downtown yesterday.

With actual ladies.

I felt like a purse was called for.

So I wore one, into which I put - my necessaries (debit/credit cards, drivers' license, health insurance card in case I get into a terrible car accident or break my leg while walking downtown because I totally think of stuff like that), Sarah Bessey's new book that I am still working my way through (and savoring every single second), a couple of pens and our grocery-list pad because I had gotten groceries the day before and forgot to take it out, my phone, and some lip balm.

I did not put a pack of travel Kleenex in there.

The purse was empty when I loaded it up with these things Sunday morning.

And yet, when Sherrie needed a Kleenex... my mom-purse was there for her.

Motherhood Achievement Level 11 - My Mom-Purse Has Begun to Spontaneously Generate Useful Items: Unlocked.

In case you're curious, the levels go like this:

Level 1: I Have Become That Guy in the Movie Alien, Now Bring Me Many Taquitos and Leave Me Alone But Wait No Come Hug Me. I Miss Coffee. I Love You. Go Away.

Level 2: Oh Dear God, They're Actually Letting Us Take This Baby Home?!  

Level 3: I Can't Go to Sleep, Honey, the Baby Might Stop Breathing. 

Level 4: I Am Covered in Spit-Up And I Don't Even Care Anymore. At Least I'm Pretty Sure It's Spit-Up.

Level 5: Officially Hallucinating From Sleep Deprivation, But at Least the Heffalump Keeps Me Company.

Level 6: Whether or Not a Diaper is "Good" Has Become a Regular Conversational Topic

Level 7: My Child is Crying Because Something is Inconvenient. This Causes Me Physical Pain. 

Level 8: I Wish the Baby Would Sleep. Oh Thank God, She's Asleep. Aw, Now I Miss the Baby. 

Level 9: I Have Forgotten How to Talk About Things That Aren't My Baby. Would You Like to Discuss the Many Ways I Believe She is the Greatest Child Ever? Also, Buy Me Coffee.

Level 10: I Saw a Movie Trailer Where a Baby May or May Not Be in Danger. Had to Go Reassure Myself the Baby Was Okay. Then I Cried For Forty Minutes For No Reason.

I look forward to discovering the magical levels ahead of me, such as Oh, I Will SHOW You How to Really Slam a Door Little Girl and the wonder of the First Time I Have to Explain Where She Learned All Those Swear Words to the Nice Ladies at Church Daycare.

Oh, hey, look at that - I just found a peppermint candy in my purse while I was taking the photos for this post.

(Remember to go enter the giveaway for #FindJoyinNovember - I have lots of different ways to enter and get your chance!)

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