Tuesday, March 10, 2015

In Which For Once I'm Not the Problem


I come from the land that is the reason that Daylight Savings Time exists; it was created to help farmers, giving them a little extra light in the spring evenings and fall mornings. It's great, in theory - it lets farmers work longer in the fields during planting and harvest when they need it most, and gives people like Jason, at work 10 hours per day, the ability to get home for dinner and see some sunlight before July.

The problem, though, is that Spring Forward loses an hour we sorely need, especially if 'we' are people with jobs and routines... or people entrusted to get behind the wheels of the screaming metal deathtraps we like to call 'cars'.

Monday morning was just traffic hell.

I was nearly sideswiped twice, had someone try to merge on top of me, had a semi just decide the gas pedal is for losers but brakes are super fun while driving down the interstate...

Spring Forward seemed to take everyone's normal Monday morning driving skills and just completely tear them to shreds. For example:

I pulled onto the highway on my way, at 7:30 in the morning. Thanks to the time change, it was basically still dark at this point. Gray-ish pink light was just beginning to reach over the tops of the trees. I ended up stuck behind someone who was just a-putt-puttin' along, no rush, it's about the journey not the destination.

If you know me, you know I hate those people.

I also inherited a lead foot from my mother.

I am not a "we'll get there eventually" kinda driver. I'm a "let's get there as fast as possible so I can get out of this car before someone hits us which they inevitably will and I don't want to be a sad report on the news" kind of driver.

I flipped on my signal, checked my mirrors, saw no one, and pulled into the next lane to pass.

Hoooooooooooooonk honk honk honk HOOOOOOOOONK!

I hit the gas reflexively to get ahead of whoever I had just nearly hit, frantically checking my mirrors and over my shoulder again.

No one was there.

So who was honking at me?!

The horn sounded like it was right on top of me! Why couldn't I see them? Were they driving a Matchbox Car or something?!

Was it my nemesis, Guy on a Moped, only somehow with a horn made for real cars?

Hoooonk hoooooonk  HOOOO-

Suddenly, silence.

This would be when the guy behind me, driving a very dark gray SUV in the early morning pre-sunrise dim gray light on a road the same color as his car, realized he had forgotten to turn his lights on.

"Well, no wonder I couldn't see you" I said out loud. "You're driving an invisible car."

I pulled back into the right lane and the guy in the dark gray car flipped his lights on, slammed on the gas pedal and flew past me as fast as he could go, his embarrassment  trailing nearly visibly behind him.

If by some chance you read this, Guy in the Invisible SUV, I want you to know that it's okay.

No one blames you.

Daylight Savings Time makes fools of us all in the end.

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