Saturday, November 22, 2014

I'd Say I'll Just Sleep In Tomorrow, But We'd All Know It Was a Lie.


This is what magazine stock photos think working moms look like.

This is what this particular working mom actually looks like.

Audra slept through the night last night. She was asleep in the evening for a bit, then woke up and snuggled with Jason on the couch for a while until she was able to go back down. We went to bed shortly thereafter, and I slept straight through from 10:30 PM until 4:30 AM.

... when I popped completely and totally awake in less than a second with a single thought in my mind.

The baby didn't wake up to eat.

I lay very still, listening to the monitor.


The baby isn't making any noise.

No sound.

Come on, baby, make noise.

Just static.

Oh God, why isn't the baby making noise?

I all but took a flying leap out of bed, traversed the room in what felt like two steps, and was down the hall to the nursery in maybe four steps more. The baby was lying on her back, exactly like she should be. She seemed more still somehow than she normally is.

I lay my hand on her stomach and felt her little chest rise, and fall, and rise, and fall. She twitched one arm and made a little mumble-y sound, just the barest hint too quiet for the monitor to pick up. Her father makes very similar sounds when my alarm goes off a half-hour before his does.

I wandered back out into the hallway and thought about going back to bed. My heart was pounding and I've never been so wide awake. The part of my body that retains some dim memory of a savannah 50,000 years ago was ready to fend off like nineteen lions with nothing but a stick and my teeth and curse words.

The cats began meowing to be fed. The dog stretched lazily and came over and did his best 'no one has ever ever fed me' face.

Well, I'm not going back to sleep.

I went into the kitchen and made a pot of coffee.

It's going to be a very long day, I thought to myself.

And it sure has been.

Isn't it funny that we daydream about the first time the baby sleeps through the night as though it will be some sort of pillow-covered wonderland, where we drift lazily in and out of consciousness until we are good and ready to be awake. Just like we used to. Just like we pray one day we will do again.

Then, when it happens - when she finally sleeps all the way through from 10 pm til 6 am - I woke up early anyway.

Parenthood is just super magical.


  1. If it makes you feel any better, a lot of parents I know describe being terrified and totally unable to fully enjoy it when their baby started sleeping for longer periods of time. FEEL THE MAGIC. ;)


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