Wednesday, October 22, 2014

We Lost the War Before the First Battle Was Fought

Cheerful and trying to roll over in her first morning outfit.
Shortly before she ruined it and had to be redressed.

My baby is kiiiiiiind of my worst nightmare.

She's totally a morning person. 

Normally, my alarm goes off at 5:30 and I drag myself out of bed and sort of mumble and mutter and groan through the same things at the same time every day. Today, because I am a masochist, I actually turned my alarm off and went back to sleep until Jason's alarm sounded a half-hour later, which meant that not only was I woken out of a wonderful doze into the harsh reality of life, when I basically just threw myself dramatically off the nice warm bed into the cold cold air of our bedroom I had lost a half-hour's worth of my somewhat carefully timed hour-and-a-half morning routine.

Jason, normally a morning person himself, slept horribly last night and it took all his effort to get up, too. Audra popped awake with a gurgle and a few fussy hungry faces and once fed, she is just full of smiles and wiggles and happiness and seize-the-day optimism.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to decide if I remember how to make coffee or if I'm so tired I've forgotten how to do those things I need to do to live.

One of the cats decided they didn't like their food all that much and left a gross vomit-y present for us (why do we have cats again?), so Jason cleaned that up. One of the fire alarms was out of battery power and chirping at us. The baby needed fed, the pets needed fed we needed fed and all of this was just too much at 6 AM.

I fed the animals and made breakfast while Jason fed the baby and cleaned up gross and dealt with the fire alarm. I let the dog out to run in the yard (this is important) and we went about our grumpy morning business.

While Jason ate, I made sure Audra's diaper was changed and put her into a cute outfit for the day.

Cute outfit number two. She made it the whole day in this one.

Then I entertained her while Jason changed, in preparation for getting her ready to go.

She promptly leaked spit up all over her outfit, necessitating a last-minute outfit change. It's fine. We got her into her carseat in her new outfit and were only a minute or so late for our usual timeline.

This is the time where you'll remember I had earlier let the dog outside, and then had not mentioned him again. Jason asked if I'd heard from Indy in a while. I shrugged, because sometimes he doesn't come right back in in the morning. No big deal.

With the baby strapped into her carseat, Jason went outside to get in his truck and leave for work...

and notices the gate to the yard is open, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.

We called to him, I shook the cookie bag, and then Jason saw him - across the street, determinedly marking the bushes in our neighbors' yard while their gigantic white mountain dogs bark their fuzzy heads off.

Jason was able to essentially herd him back into the yard and I got him back in the house and then I blinked at the clock and tried to remember what I was supposed to do next.

Right. Brush my teeth. And hair. Wait, am I still wearing pajama pants?

Somehow, we made it to our respective workplaces.

I drank a very large cup of coffee today.

It wasn't enough.


  1. The second I read about the smoke detector chirps my anger and anxiety level shot through the roof for you. Those are THE. WORST. Our home has several defective ones that will chirp and chirp and continue to chirp despite having the batteries changed, dust cleaned, etc. Our townhome is small-ish so it all echoes. The dogs have a sort of PTSD reaction whenever another damn chirp goes off because it is SO loud and SO high pitched. We finally ripped them out of the ceiling after one too many 4am wakeup calls. I could rant about these little shits for ages.

    But hey, that baby hoodie is damn adorable.

    1. Yeah, it was awful. Jason checked the one we thought was chirping, only it wasn't, but we didn't nkow that until we replaced the battery and apparently did so with a defective battery because then we had TWO chirping, so he had to fix them both and it was just insane.

      Baby hoodies are the best. I am investing in baby hoodies for winter this year.

  2. Man oh man, I'm glad your dog was at least within shouting distance! The perfect nightmare I was imagining in this scenario ended with you posting "Lost Dog" flyers around your neighborhood with Indy's picture on them! Still sounds like a batshit crazy morning though. I hope it got better.

    1. Seriously. He's not allowed out of the fenced-in backyard so he wouldn't necessarily know to be smart about staying out of the road and away from other dogs. But no, he just needed to show the neighbor dogs who's boss.


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