Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Tomboy Style, Plus One: Week 36

I know, I know. This is just a couple of Instagram photos. I'm obviously not even trying at this point. They were even taken in my workplace bathroom (hence the Dunkin Donuts latte and overall expression of absolute exhaustion in one of them).

Here's the thing; at week 36, at least for me, there really isn't "style" anymore. I'm wearing my wedding ring on a chain around my neck because I can no longer take it on and off without some effort during the day. I'm wearing flip-flops with growing-out chipped nail polish because A. my feet look like fascinating balloon animals by early afternoon and B. have you ever painted your own toenails while holding a watermelon over where your stomach muscles used to be? Try it sometime. It's like yoga, in that everything aches and I'd kill for a good beer afterwards.

Actually, at this point, I'd kill for terrible light beer. I miss beer.

I'm just wearing a rotating series of striped things, because they're basically the only things I own that don't start flashin' belly shockingly quickly. Trust me; ain't nobody in this game to see my stomach. I know that; you know that. We can all rest easy knowing we understand each other, here.

This is the homestretch, people, and nobody looks pretty at the end of the race, right?

Well, no one except horrible terrible no-good very-bad people who we will not discuss, because I like to pretend "people who look good while heavily pregnant" don't exist. It's a nice fantasy world I live in where I just pretend celebrities constantly preaching about the "right way" to do pregnancy aren't a thing. You should try it! The world already seems like a better place.

I am officially on what they call "modified bedrest" (or... maybe they don't call it that. I don't know.) Basically, I'm not being taken out of work yet but I'm supposed to not do anything when I'm not at work. You know, keep my feet up above my heart and just chill out.

I tried to explain to my doctor that I don't really have time to relax right now, thank you but she and apparently everyone else I know seem to think it's more important that my blood pressure isn't ridiculously high due to my constant pointless worrying and flailing in circles than it is that I get stuff done. I only have like three and a half weeks left, people! There's a lot of stuff to cram into that timeline!

Last night, a friend of mine with four kids of varying ages, from adulthood to elementary school, asked me a pertinent question. She said, "What do you need to bring this baby home?"

"Well, we haven't finished the nursery yet and I haven't washed the-"

"No. What does this baby need to have when you come home from the hospital?"

"... a carseat. We have the carseat, but it's not installed and they don't let you leave until it is."

"Okay, you can do that easy. That can be done while you're in the hospital. What else?"

"A place for her to sleep?"

"Okay. That's two things. What else?"

In the end, I suppose she's right. Babies didn't come home to blissfully finished decorated nurseries a century ago and enough of them lived to be the parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents of the greatest population explosion in human history somehow.

Cardigan from Target, striped tank top from Old Navy Maternity, Gap Maternity jeans, sandals from God knows where and I'm tired now.


  1. I admire your fortitude. Also, I didn't know that Dunkin Donuts even made lattes so this post has expanded my horizons! Good luck with the home stretch ~

    1. Oh, they're... they're not very good lattes. But they ARE convenient, so... there's that, haha.

  2. Mom/excited GrandmaJuly 15, 2014 at 6:33 PM

    Have Jason or one of your friends do your toenails OR go get a pedicure. (Cheaper to just beg a good friend...) Got the cradle? I found bassinet sheets at Target that I think will fit, if you need sheets for it. Let me know. Got diapers? YES YOU DO. Got sleepers and onesies? YES YOU DO. Whatever else you need done, we can work on when we get there. She doesn't care. All she'll want is to be fed, diapered, and loved. No problem!

    1. I can't! I'd have to let someone else touch my feet. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. No thank you.

      We don't have teh cradle here just yet but I think it will be here in just a bit. And Robin bought us some sheets, I think, but said she had some issues finding stuff to fit it since cradles aren't really a 'thing' anymore. And of course it probably doesn't hurt to have extras, what with the whole... possibly-leaking-through-diapers-thing.

    2. Mom/Excited GrandmaJuly 15, 2014 at 8:21 PM

      I didn't want to buy the sheets unless you need them. If you do, I can pick up a package and have them washed when we come. And I don't like people touching my feet but I didn't have any problem with Patti decorating my toenails for Walt Disney World...

    3. I have let exactly two people touch my feet willingly since I became able to make those kinds of decisions; Jason, and my friend Sherrie who si a brilliant massage therapist. And even Sherrie we had to work up to and it has to be the last thing she does. I think I'm going to tie my nail polish brush to a stick or something and try it that way...

  3. I slept in a drawer for the first several nights of my life because of something to do with the bassinet. I am told it was lined with blankets and I was happy as a clam. You're going to be fine.

    1. My mother is way, way too gratified to read you saying this ;) One the ways I could tell they were ready for us to start having kids was when she informed me quite sincerely, "Babies CAN sleep in drawers, you know."


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