So one of my blogger-friends recently posted an incredible sweet little piece about her recently-internet-announced pregnancy. I was reading along, and smiling and nodding... and then I kind of clicked back over my own prego-posts and I thought... well, here's great evidence that we are all just a wee bit different.
Kaelah is all about a kind of sweetness and enthusiasm for the magic and wonder that is life that I simply don't have access to in my writer-brain. I love reading it, but almost always when I try to write something saccharine or full of positivity, the sarcasm and dryness of my mental voice take over.
So I guess I feel like I should make a note for anyone who doesn't know me super well...
I promise, guys, I am excited about this, and happy about it. It's not all complaints about maternity clothing and declaring my child the preemptive end to all civilization over here. Sometimes I do just sit and smile or get all teary while reading any of the seriously five pregnancy books I've bought. Sometimes Jason and I do have conversations about names and nursery ideas and how I think kids don't get to be muddy and dirty as much anymore as they used to and I hope I can just roll my kid around in the dirt a little bit and let them enjoy it without freaking out about every disease that might be lurking there.
I do those things. I think those things. I have those things within me.
But it's just never been who I am when I start putting words on a page, or frankly when speaking out loud, even, unless it's Jason I'm talking to. My real-life friends and family aren't exactly being subjected to all the cuteness readers here aren't; I'm dry and sarcastic in many locations, pretty much all of the time.
All of this sudden attention one gets when things like this happen, and the need to focus on buying tiny clothing and tiny bears and tiny books and just tiny stuff is more than a little troubling and confusing for me. I keep being startled by the congratulations I am getting from others, wondering what I accomplished that's so important and praise-worthy and having to remind myself, Oh wait, right, pregnant. Making a person.
Right now I mostly feel super gross and also hungry every hour or so, which I'm sure is magical for everyone having to deal with me on a daily basis.
I can't promise anything on here is going to be much sappier from here on out.
But I can reassure you that I'm not always sarcastic.
Sometimes I'm sleeping.