Monday, August 5, 2013

Seriously. It Takes Two Seconds to Verify These Things.

Something that happened to me today that my friends on my personal Facebook have already seen, but I thought worth sharing:

 I periodically get e-mails from employment agencies because of my profile on Monster. While I haven't been actively searching on it for almost two years, I do keep an updated resume just in case someone comes along and decides to offer me an ideal job with a cushy paycheck and possibly maybe the capability of working from home three days a week.

It could happen.

I just received an e-mail, from an employment service that I've never really used but who has me on their list because of Monster. It was from a cheerful young woman passing along a job opening at a call center she thought I would be just perfect for! Multiple shifts! Great pay, with more for later shifts and less for early! Benefits! Go check it out! They even give you vacation!

I did.

It's the same call center I was working at two years ago, the one I quit in six months because it was one of the most poisonous environments I'd ever worked in, the job that led to my long hiatus from this blog due to being abjectly miserable and not knowing how to write about it. It's the job that looked me in the eye when I asked for time off to see my family at Easter and said, "When we give you that vacation time, we don't actually expect you to use it. The computer decides who takes vacations, all the stuff we tell you about how to ask off doesn't actually work." The job that, the day after I had that meeting with my supervisor, I also learned that my coworker, who had asked off six months in advance for her own wedding day, had been denied with the same reason.

This is the point at which I found a better job and quit.

(I also went back to Illinois to see my family at Easter, and cried when I got off the plane because I was so grateful to be there. And also I hate flying. But mostly gratitude.)

That call center the most unhappy at work I've ever been, and that says something, since I've got some amazing work stories about hostile environments from the time we lived in Carbondale.

This was the best photo I could get of what my approximate reaction was to realizing she had e-mailed me an opening to the worst place I have ever worked. It's not even hidden.

It clearly shows that I worked at this place in my resume, if the happy young lady on the other end of the computer had taken the time to look at it.

So of course I e-mailed her back, with this:

Dear (Nice Lady's Name Redacted),

(Insert Location Here) and I dated before. We broke up due to irreconcilable differences. (Insert Location Here) never wanted a break from the relationship, wouldn't let me go out of town, was isolating me from my friends and family. 

I decided to find something new, that really respected me and was interested in the things I liked. I am now happily committed to a great job that just let me take three weeks off for surgery recovery. We're thinking of making it a lifetime commitment. Have a great one!

Not Even a Little Bit Sincerely,

Katie (My Last Name Here)

 I forgot to add the last bit to the Facebook version of this story. I fail at copy & paste. And also spelling; in the original, I spelled irreconcilable in a distinctly creative way.

If anyone asks, tell them I did it on purpose.

Spelling is a creative art, after all. Or it used to be, before that Webster guy came along and ruined everything.


  1. Hahaha that is such a great reaction! I'm glad you are NOT at that job anymore!


    1. ME TOO. SO GLAD. It was awful, and the job itself wasn't bad, but all the stuff around it; they made it impossible to take vacations, they policed your bathroom breaks in a really humiliating way, no matter how well an employee did they pushed this weird "you're not devoted enough" culture. It was just... a gross place.

  2. Fuuuuuu there are few things worse in life than being in a job that sucks balls. I had a job like that many years ago, and was too young and dumb to realize at the time that the reason I was having endlessly persistent indigestion and upset stomach was because I was living in a state of misery and stress all day, every day. Just reading about your experience made my skin crawl with sense memory. Girl, I feel you.

    Also: once in college I replied to a job ad for an "appointment secretary" and it ended up being a call center for Kirby vacuums. I worked there for two days before telling them I was quitting and demanding payment for my time in the form of a personal check, because they never got around to me filling out my W4s. I've since met a LOT of people who worked for Kirby for like 2 days.

    1. The call center I worked for is a lot like that! EVERYBODY worked there... for six months. Or they all know someone who worked there... for six months. Exactly. Almost to the day, every single time.


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