Tuesday, March 22, 2011

State of the Katie Address

I am warning you ahead of time: this is going to be really, really long... and pretty text-heavy. 

Feel free to skim through and just look at the photos. I won't blame you if you do.

My mother-in-law continues to do well up in Boston. My regular updates from Jason's aunt Gena have been pretty positive, and today I got a facebook message from the lady herself! I am excited to see her recovering quickly, or at least I hope being on facebook is a good sign for one's recovery.

Today is a day of morning shifts, which is nice in that I am at work while Jason sleeps, so we don't have the usual blink-and-you-miss-it interaction between me leaving, him going, or him leaving and me going... we actually get evenings together. Today we may even go for a walk. I know, I know, it's a pretty exciting plan... but I think we're capable of it.

Next week is basically a week of closing shifts, one after another, three days in a row... then an opening shift... then a day off... and then I leave for New York City! It'll be a new experience for me. I've never been to NYC before, or really the Northeast at all. It'll be a quick, long-weekend whirlwind trip, but I think it'll be a lot of fun.

In any case, I get to watch my sister-in-law, the aforementioned Gena and her daughter Monica be all silly in the big city. I will probably be quietly taking pictures in the background, an abject and unashamed tourist in all my tourist-y glory.

I might even talk loudly about farming or something, just to make sure everyone knows how out of place I am.

I have to admit something here, be really honest; I'm not "over" whatever this weird mental place I've been in lately has been... That place where I start wondering where 25 years went so fast and whether or not I'm going to be able to get to where I wanted to be in time for all my big important goals. I've been waffling in and out of a strange melancholy about it for several months now. Sometimes it's just homesickness, I think, that reality of being just that far away from the first, oh, 23-and-a-half years of my life.

I put a lot of stock in landscape, in the setting I surround myself with. In school assignments way back when to write about myself, the place I was living always came up as part of who I was. And that place was, always, roughly the same. It's changed, and I think the notion of uprooting myself and making the huge adjustment to something entirely new has its occasional "but I just want to go back" effects, even though I really, really don't.

I'm happy here... but I am still affected by that odd sense that time is starting to get away from me.

This is kind of silly, I know, coming from someone as young as I am. I am very aware of my youth, and extremely aware of how ridiculous this probably sounds when my age is taken into account. Nonetheless, I keep wondering if I have the time to get myself together. My mind often tells me that by this point in her own life, my mother had one child and by the end of November had two. My own goals originally had me having a baby when I was 25 (which I can promise you all ain't going to happen, heh).

Granted, at one point I thought I'd be a famous writer by now. Or artist. Or artist-writer.



Despite all that, I've been having a feeling creeping up on me the past few weeks, some kind of sweet almost-contentment. Maybe it's just the way my brain wasn't real sure if it wanted to accept this move start to fade out, let me enjoy it once and for all without whispering in the back of my conscious mind that I am missing so much to be here.

The thing is, I was missing so much before, and I knew it then; Jason's family's holidays, really getting to know my in-laws, trips to the beach, his perfectly crazy-awesome sister Hunter and the growing-up-stages of his sweet little twin cousins, who are about a year older than my niece.

Life is good here, and it's nice to finally see my mind beginning to let me enjoy that.

The weekends have been great; full of friends, or family. I've had the ability to relax, laugh with people I already loved or newer friends I am rapidly growing to love. Although it's not even quite April, I am going into this late spring and summer with the knowledge that while last year was deeply lean, and Jason and I fought for every scrap of income we were able to keep... those worries won't be quite so bad this year. I'm actually really looking forward to the rest of 2011... 2012, too.

In the end, I suppose, this was just a really long-winded way of saying "Well, things are pretty good, actually."

I suppose I could have just written that one sentence and saved us all about three pages of ramblin', though, couldn't I?

Ah well.

Anyone reading this blog for any length of time already knew I'm a big fan of rambling. Really, anyone who has the vaguest knowledge of me in general already knew I'm a big fan of rambling.

I like to think of it as one of my many charms.

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